A Letter from The Commish

Slurve Headquarters received this message from its deposed leader this morning.  A response will be forthcoming.

Mr. Skipper,

I attempted reach my office this morning, and was promptly escorted off the premises by two rather large gentlemen wearing black uniforms and brandishing semiautomatic weapons.  I informed them that I was the Commissioner of Slurve, but they said Slurve was under new management, by order of the Skipper.  They put me in the back of a van, saying I was lucky you had ordered them not to harm me.  They would not, however, tell me where they were taking me; only that I was being exiled.  Next thing I knew I was in the back of a cargo plane whose destination turned out to be the Newark International Airport.

I have filed a complaint with the Concerned Citizens Coalition.  No one should be made to go to New Jersey against his or her will.  It is clearly defined as torture in the Geneva Conventions. Then again, staging a coup while I was on vacation isn’t exactly legal either, but I suppose I should be grateful you didn’t injure anyone on the staff or raze our ballpark to the ground.

While I realize my previous unannounced vacation may have been cause for some disillusionment within the organization, I can assure you that I have been working diligently behind the scenes. I have just signed a deal for a new stadium, and am in negotiations to increase the salaries of everyone on staff from their current average of $0. Perhaps if you had given me a chance to explain instead of deciding to mutiny in one of your drunken rages, this whole debacle could have been avoided.

It is my hope that you will cede control of Slurve back to me peacefully, but I am prepared to do whatever is necessary to regain my rightful place.

The Commish